Unconditional

Yesterday was Mother's Day. What better day to honor and highlight unconditional love.  Mother's love their children without limits, without guilt, without conditions.  We don't tell our children we'll only love them if they take out the trash or if they get straight A's. No limits on "well, we've already done 72 loads of your laundry this year, so we can't do any more or love you any more."  No matter the note home from the teacher, what we hear our child has done to another or not done in a situation to make it better, we still love them.

This should be true through all relationships; marriages, family, friendships, co-workers, neighbors, and so forth. We shouldn't say we'll only be someones friend if we get something in return. Now, this doesn't mean we have to constantly be the giver or the one to compromise, does not mean to be a doormat of sorts. What I am simply saying is we should be accepting that these people are in our lives, for what ever reason and embrace the good in all of it.

People do come and go in our lives, there are the childhood friends that are there, then life gets buys, but once in a blue moon you can pick up where you left off. Sometimes life throws us together whether we choose it or not, such as a mom's group and our kids like each other but us mom's wouldn't have been friends otherwise and often find that life is so much more fun when shared with another going through the same kids stages as you. Some people are in your life for what I will describe as "for an hour or a life time."  (read that on a city welcoming sign hee hee) They may be someone whom seems so interesting, maybe your kids play that one sport together and you had a nice conversation on the bleachers, or they were that co-worker you really clicked with on a project, someone at your place of worship that seemed to just need a friend for the day, where ever you come across these people, they are there for us to learn from and with, for the time that they are in our lives.

Then there are the friends that only want to be in your life when they need something. These are the ones that can suck the life out of you, they put conditions on the friendship...and then try to make you feel like the bad friend because you just didn't understand them, you offended them by not doing what they wanted you to do or you just weren't available when they really needed someone to vent to! Life vampires. They will take everything you have to just try to maintain the friendship...this.is.toxic. You shouldn't have to explain why you went out with another group, or how come they weren't invited to Jonny's birthday party, (I mean it was all 6yr olds anyhow), how dare you go for a walk with another woman, you mean you didn't let her know you were sick with the flu...ugh. Friends don't care. Yes, they want to be part of your life, but they also have a life of their own to lived as well.  They understand why you don't go out to the happy hours any more, or why you can't accept the after 9pm phone calls, they get when you have 3.5 kids to help with homework, projects, entertaining, taxiing and so forth. Friends just get it. No explaining, no defending, they get it. They don't read into things, don't think there is an ulterior motive, they accept, plain and simple. Life, we all have one to live and we do our best. Friends add to that, not take.

It also brings up the BFF or "bestie" label. I don't like it. If you are a teenager, fine, we get that. Life is defined by your social activities and the people you have in it at that point. Not saying I like it, as putting those labels says to me that someone is more important than the next person. I don't like excluding. But as a grown woman with a family???  What are you hanging on to?? I understand if you say you married your best friend, as it should be, but to refer to your other friends in that way, I have a hard time grasping. For one, when I do see the word "bestie" it looks like beast to me. Yes, I am a skim reader, so often I have to do a reread of this. I find that I did the BFF thing 20yr ago and I have all sorts of people I would call friends in my life, but wouldn't want to label any of them as BFF. How about "my good friend" or "a friend of mine" when describing someone? Ok, I'm ranting. Enough.

I am trying to teach my kids that we all should be friendly. You never know what one has to contribute and obviously God created all of us and every one should treated in a respectful way. Yes, your main group of friends should be the ones you turn to in good and bad times. We all need that network of people in our lives. Too many of us rely on restrictive ways to be friends, ie. the Internet or social media. Get out there, go for a walk with that neighbor lady, say hi to the person next to you at the gym. Compliment another mom on her purse at a ball game. Head out for a girls night of fun with that group you so enjoy! What happened to the lunch date?? Revive it! Everyone loves a change of pace and a chance to reconnect with another person. Try not to put conditions on friendships. Yes, I know Janie has been needy as of late, but listen, if asked offer some words of wisdom, but then also don't let Janie dominate the conversation or the week with "I just need to get out of the house" dates. You can put limits...as these are your own personal boundaries and no one needs to be the doormat. It's ok to cut ties when needed as well, as our own lives are what should come first, a true friend understands that.   =)

Thank you to all of those who are my friends and add so much to my life!

Life is good, get on with it!