Some days you just feel like shouting to the world...today is one of them, only I am not sure what I would shout. I know, weird for me, but honestly, I want to be heard, but at the same time I just want to quiet my heart. After all this emotion as of late, I just need.to.be. That's OK, right?
I know, weird to see from Ms. Positive-Happy-Go-Lucky, but I think it is important that I show others that I hurt too and can be a contemplation of emotions. I think my soul is telling me I need to recharge, need to be still, need to find that inner peace so I can shine on for my kids again.
How do I do that? I am the mom, single mom at that, and had to get all three kids out the door to school, myself. I had to let the dog out and feed him, started a load of laundry and now sit to catch up on the computer, but I found myself staring out the window at that wonderful dreamy light from the fall sunshine. I should go for a run, but the time it is now doesn't allow it. Exercise does make me feel better, it is my chance to zone out, exhaust the body, yet it makes me feel so good all over. When I run, I like to just get lost in the cadence of my feet, the rhythm of my breathing, let my mind wander and then that clarity comes. I love that zen feeling! I have to go to work this morning yet, I have to yet again put every one's needs before mine to be successful at what I do. I can look forward to a run or long walk after work. But what about right.now??? I want to be able to feel good about the day.
You can see that I don't like to feel "off" and that yes, I do have those days. Told you, I am human. It also helps for me to write or share if you will my thoughts to get them sorted through and not leave them a jumbled mess in my head...if I did, I would go to work with that "foggy" feeling and not be able to be present. My mind is wandering to my kids, will they be safe at school today, what is the mood for them with knowing it could be sad for them or others? How is Abby's family doing? What can I do to help? How can I be a better mom, friend, person in life??
Deep breath....in....out....in....out....calm. Lord, could you step in here? I can't control it. I didn't cause that accident, I didn't cause another family to be in pain, I can't protect my kids from what life hands them, BUT, I can teach them how to cope, how to continue to move forward in this life. I can go to work, listen to what others may need to say, I can be more quiet within today and just be present. The sun is shining, there is such pretty fall colors all around us, I've gotten to enjoy an abundance of time with my children as of late, I got to hug them good-bye. I have some nice running shoes to sit waiting by the door for my return from work, along with a 60lb furry monster who would love to run my butt. That is something to look forward to!
Whew, I already feel better, that pent up feeling of just needing to shout, is gone, (OK I did just open the door and shouted ;) and that Tears for Fears song is stuck in my head ). I will reflect a bit more as I get ready for work and be at peace with the start of my day. I wish you all that same sense of peace and ability to face what may lay ahead in your day!
Life is good, get on with it, live it LOUD!
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